my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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