i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
