last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I could fuck to npr.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
