I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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