If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
