So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
