1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
