quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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