Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
