That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
