Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was confusing and full of hummus
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
