If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
