Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
