like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
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This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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