So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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