I don't remember. Are we still dating?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
