Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
