I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
