can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
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I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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