Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
