I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the condom got lost in my hair
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
