A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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