Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
