We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
