I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
