I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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