In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
