the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
