It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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