I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
