I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
