The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Everything about him screamed your future.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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