I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
