The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
