I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
