Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
