I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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