It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
