He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
