her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
