How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As shirtless as possible
You dont lie about slip and slides
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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