Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
