I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
