Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
