New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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