Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
