You can't special order awesome
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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