no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
