She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
