You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
