i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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