He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
