it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
