hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
