How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Someone shattered a urinal.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
