I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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