Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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