Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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