Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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