your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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