I can text with my tongue
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
