Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
