She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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