I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
