Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
