I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
