these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
