I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
