he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
