I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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